The Joker's Hero
by Windrises
Summary: Catwoman is upset about Batman delaying their dates, because of the Joker being on the loose. However, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy hire Anarky to get rid of the Joker, so Batman has to save him.


Note: Batman is owned by DC Comics and was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Harley Quinn was created by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm.

Batman was doing some research in the Batcave. Several of his criminals were on the loose and finding them was a true challenge. Batman was starting to get frustrated. He feared that if he didn't find the Joker and the others, Gotham would be doomed.

Alfred Pennyworth walked into the Batcave and said, "Sir, Catwoman called again. She's wondering when you're going to be free."

Batman sighed and replied, "It probably won't be, until the Joker is caught. I don't feel right about going on dates, while he's on the loose."

Alfred handed him the phone and said, "She insisted that you talk to her."

Batman said, "Hi Catwoman."

Catwoman replied, "I'm tired of you ignoring me."

Batman responded, "Believe me, I'd rather be with you than going after that clown for the seventy ninth time."

Catwoman replied, "Frankly, I'm starting to doubt that. You focus so much on that clown, it feels like you care about him more than me. You need to get your act together." She hanged up.

Batman looked at Alfred and asked, "Isn't the thought of me caring about the Joker more than her absurd?"

Alfred answered, "It's an absurd thought, but it might be true." Batman thought about it and realized that the Joker was on his mind more than any of his sidekicks or fellow superheroes. The Joker was Batman's dearest enemy and if he was the person Batman spent the most time thinking about, does that mean Batman's primary emotion was anger, rather than happiness?

Meanwhile, Harley Quinn was pacing around her and Poison Ivy's hideout. Harley had avoided the Joker the past month. She knew the Joker was a bad influence, but she had a hard time forgetting about him. Harley walked up to Poison Ivy and asked, "Would it be okay if I gave Joker a call?"

Poison Ivy grumpily asked, "You want to give the Joker a call? Are you trying to ruin our lives? That evil clown is the most corrupt piece of garbage."

Harley nervously replied,. "I know, but he's also so charismatic, colorful, and fun loving."

Poison Ivy rolled her eyes and said, "He puts on a colorful act, so that he can do bad things and get away with it."

Harley replied, "To be honest, I don't approve of his crimes, but there's something captivating about him."

Poison Ivy responded, "Harley, your love for the Joker is like a flower that was never meant to grow. You need to cut the Joker from your life, unless you never want to have a successful life."

Harley put her hand on her chin and replied, "I suppose that's true, but as along as the Joker's around, I'm still going to feel tempted to see him."

Poison Ivy had a sly smile on her face, while saying, "There's an easy solution to that."

Anarky stepped out of the shadows and said, "I agree with that."

Poison Ivy asked, "How long have you been spying on us?"

Anarky answered, "I don't know, because I started zoning, around the five minute mark. However, you caught my ears' interest when you mentioned the Joker. You're not the only one who wants him out of the way. After all, how can I spread anarchy when he's around?"

Poison Ivy said, "So, you'd be willing to get rid of him."

Anarky stuck his hands in the air and replied, "Hold on there, plant girl. I'm a big fan of rewards, so if you want Joker gone, I'm expecting some sort of payment."

Harley dug around her room and said, "I'm not exactly loaded with cash, but I do have something valuable." She showed off her doctor's degree.

Poison Ivy sighed and replied, "Harley, I doubt this madman has any use for your doctor's degree."

Anarky grabbed the doctor's degree certification and said, "This'll be a nice addition to my trophy room. I'll cross out your name and put my name on it. Also, I'll get rid of Joker."

Harley smiled and replied, "Sounds like a fair deal." Harley and Anarky shook hands, before Anarky snuck out.

A few hours later, the Joker was prancing around his hideout. Not having Harley around made him feel free. He was doing his daily dance, when his phone started ringing. He picked up the phone and asked, "What's up doc?"

Anarky answered, "I actually did become a doctor, but I have a different piece of news."

The Joker was struggling to think of who was calling him. He asked, "Are you Penguin, Riddler, or Two-Face?"

Anarky replied, "I'm none of them. This is Anarky."

The Joker paused and asked, "What?"

Anarky angrily replied, "There's no way you could of forgotten about me."

The Joker said, "Bro, do you know how many criminals are in Gotham? In Metropolis, the only criminals are a grumpy bald guy and a brainy computer, but in Gotham there's so many criminals around, that I barely even remember I exist." He did a crazy sounding laugh.

Anarky replied, "Joker, I'm coming after you and I'm going to get rid of you. I'm going to be Gotham's main source of chaos after you're gone." He did an evil laugh, while the Joker nervously gulped.

A few minutes later, the Joker drove to the police station, beat up the police officers, and turned on the Bat Signal.

Batman saw the Bat Signal, so he quickly left the Batcave and drove to the police station. He appeared on the rooftop and was shocked to see the Joker. He looked at him and asked, "What's going on?"

The Joker had an amused look on his face, while saying, "I'm the one who turned on the Bat Signal."

Batman had a confused look on his face, while asking, "What are you up to?"

The Joker paced around Batman, while saying, "Believe it or not, this scheme isn't about me. It's about some guy named Chaos." He paused and said, "Actually, it was Anarky. It's a hard to remember name, because anarchy is more of a personal hobby than a name. It's not exactly one of the most beloved baby names."

Batman asked, "What is Anarky up to?"

The Joker said, "He's trying to get rid of me."

Batman asked, "Why?"

The Joker shrugged his shoulders. Having someone try to get rid of him was something he was used to and he often didn't know why. He said, "I've done thousands of crimes, so there's a lot of different things that could of ticked him off. Since he's trying to eliminate me, you have to protect me."

Batman wasn't fond of the thought of protecting Joker. He asked, "Protect you?"

Anarky appeared on the rooftop and said, "Greetings, Batman and former clown prince of crime."

Batman grumpily asked, "What are you up to?"

Anarky smiled and said, "I have big plans. Being a moderately good criminal and getting a doctor's degree isn't enough. Joker may be the prince of crime, but I'm gong to become the crime king."

Batman replied, "I'm not going to let you destroy the Joker."

Anarky had an amused look on his face, while asking, "You're protecting your arch-enemy? Talk about pathetic. What's also pathetic is the reason you keep me around."

Batman sternly replied, "The only reason I let him live is because of my no killing policy."

Anarky responded, "No, there's more than that. Joker is what keeps you in business. Without him, you'd be taking care of corny crimes, like fake pharaohs and egg robbers."

Batman said, "You're wrong about that. My rouges gallery is bigger than you could ever imagine."

The Joker looked at Anarky, while saying, "Batman's rouges gallery is so big, that I barely know you."

Anarky replied, "I'm going to be remembered, because I'm going to be the one to get rid of the Joker."

Batman responded, "I don't think so." Batman picked up the Joker and used a grappling hook to swing to the ground. Batman got the Batmobile ready and said, "Get in my car."

The Joker replied, "Yes sir." Batman and Joker got into the Batmobile.

Batman started driving the car. The Joker relaxed, while asking, "Where are you taking us?"

Batman said, "Where we were before wasn't a safe place for a fight. I'm going to fight Anarky in an abandoned area, so that no citizens get hurt."

The Joker had an evil smile on his face, while replying, "I prefer it when people get hurt, especially people close to you." He did an evil laugh.

Batman was so angry at the Joker. Part of him wanted to get rid of the Joker, but he wouldn't do that. He knew that destroying any criminal was wrong, even if it was the Joker. Batman decided he would never stoop down to such a low level and he refused to let the Joker change his policy.

The Joker dug around the Batmobile and said, "I'm going to look at your contacts list."

Batman replied, "You better not do that."

The Joker had an offended look on his face, while saying, "I'm not at the top of your speed dial. Silly old Catwoman is at the top. You're dating her, aren't you?"

Batman replied, "You could say that. I have to keep delaying our times, because of you."

The Joker had an excited look on his face, while saying, "I love being the third wheel. I've become the third wheel, between Harley and Ivy, and now I'm the same thing for you and Catwoman." The Joker used Batman's phone to call Catwoman. Batman angrily growled.

Catwoman asked, "What's going on?"

The Joker said, "Batman isn't helping you buy kitty litter and scratching posts, because he's being my hero. In fact, I'm in the Batmobile." He did a crazy sounding laugh.

Catwoman angrily replied, "Batman, you're doing that clown a favor?"

Batman responded, "It's not something I want to do."

Joker and Catwoman both said, "Yeah right." Catwoman hanged up. Batman frowned at the Joker.

Batman drove to an abandoned construction site. He got out of the car and said, "Anarky's probably going to be here soon."

The Joker asked, "What am I supposed to do?"

Batman said, "If you don't want Anarky to hurt you, I suggest staying in the car."

Five minutes later, Anarky drove by and said, "Batman, you better release the Joker."

Batman replied, "Both you and Joker are going back to Arkham Asylum."

Anarky punched Batman and responded, "That's not an acceptable ending. Dr. Anarky is going to have a much better finale than that."

Batman started kicking Anarky, while asking, "What do you think your big finale will be?"

Anarky grabbed one of the construction pieces and used it to hit Batman. He said, "I'm going to get rid of Joker and become the top criminal in Gotham."

Batman replied, "You'll never achieve that dishonor. Despite how random Joker is, I can depend on him to be my biggest enemy." Joker snuck out of the Batmobile.

Anarky had an offended look on his face, while asking, "What makes him worthy of that title? Ra's al Ghul has much bigger master plans, Bane's stronger, and I'm just as crazy. What makes Joker better than the rest?"

Batman replied, "I don't like admitting it, but the Joker is like me. We're both underdogs. I don't have the superpowers of my fellow superheroes, but I managed to become the best member of the Justice League, by being the smartest and most dedicated. The Joker isn't as powerful as some of my other enemies, but he managed to be the best, by being the cruelest and craziest criminal."

Anarky thought about it and responded, "Fair enough. You and Joker are both obsessive weirdos. Without Joker, there could be no Batman. That means I'll be getting rid of both of you, when I eliminate the Joker."

Batman replied, "That's not how this will end."

Batman and Anarky heard Joker screaming, "Duck!"

Anarky had an amused look on his face, while asking, "Is there a duck themed criminal now? It would fit in with all the weird animal gimmicks." Suddenly, a dozen construction pipes landed on Anarky. He fell to the ground and passed out.

The Joker faced Batman and said, "I threw those pipes on him, so I'm the real hero."

Batman replied, "Anarky would of destroyed you earlier, if I hadn't come."

The Joker responded, "Fair enough. We are each other's hero, the most important person in each other's lives."

Batman put handcuffs on the Joker and sternly replied, "No."

After taking Joker and Anarky to Arkham Asylum, Batman paid Harley and Ivy a visit. Harley had a surprised look on her face, while asking, "What are you doing here?"

Batman said, "Anarky wanted the Joker gone, but he doesn't have the personal motivation you two have. I know you hired him."

Poison Ivy folded her arms and replied, "Keeping Joker alive is doing damage for thousands of people and there's no way you could disagree."

Batman responded, "You're right. I keep Joker alive, because of my pride. Ironically, I'm being selfish."

Harley laughed and said, "Ha, the bat finally became the selfish brat." Batman rolled his eyes.

Poison Ivy said, "So, are you going to have us sent back to the asylum, because tried to have a source of pure evil eliminated?"

Batman replied, "No, Harley's made a lot of progress. Ironically, I've been thinking more about the Joker than she has. You two have improved, thanks to your bond and support. I suggest staying away from crime." Batman left.

Harley looked at Ivy and asked, "What was he talking about?"

Ivy held Harley's hand, while saying, "The dark past is over. It's time to move on to a bright, Joker-free future, together." Harley smiled.

The next morning, Bruce Wayne paid a visit to the house of Selina Kyle, also known as Catwoman. Selina opened the door and Bruce handed her some flowers. Selina asked, "What's going on?"

Bruce explained, "I've been obsessed with the Joker, because anger and vengeance have been my primary emotions. It's time to focus on some more optimistic emotions and it's time to focus on a much better person." Selina smiled and hugged Bruce. Bruce threw away a pack of old playing cards and started looking forward to a brighter future.


End file.
